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Tonight I showed up to practice early to do my remaining skills tests. Of course there had to be a freaking monsoon so I was already anxious when I got to the rink because my car is not a boat.
27 laps in 5 minutes, I can do this I did 26.5 last time.
I got warmed up. I was feeling alright. Started my music and started skating.
Calmed myself down, talked to my coach, and got some water.
Ok let’s try again.
I tried. I fell, I got up, and I tried to move my legs but it was just nope. I finished and I knew I didn’t make 27 laps even before I asked her. Not gonna lie, I cried. I full blown went off to the side and sobbed.
Coach came back and talked to me. She said I would get to try again later and that she knew I could do it, just my brain was not letting me. I can’t even begin to explain how frustrating living with anxiety can be. My brain doesn’t have an off switch. I can skate through the endurance drills no problem, it’s skating alone that triggers my anxiety.
So I drank my Lime Cucumber Gatorade (BEST flavor EVER) and I ate a granola bar while listening to Lady Gaga and playing Bubble Witch because that’s how I clear my brain.
Then practice started. We did an Indian Run to warm up and ya know what, I rocked it. Then we were divided into Hogwarts Houses and we got to earn points.
Sometimes I like relay races. I don’t like suicides, but skating, stopping, and doing something a little silly is fun.
We did a pack/jammer drill and that was fun. It also helped that basically all the huge sweethearts happened to be in my house. We also did specifically blocking and can I just say I love blocking with my chest. Lemme get up on my toe stops and just pound into them. I’m going to have some bruising.
And then it was time to scrimmage.
I communicated, I listened, AND I really REALLY tried to give myself a ‘buddy’ every jam. I did pretty good. I even figured out when to bridge without anyone telling me. Oh and I WAS NEVER A GOAT YES. Getting a ‘goat’ means basically trapping an opposing blocker in order to slow down the pack. I’m slower so I’m pretty much a goat target.
Coach tells us to do opposite direction cool down laps but then adds
"Sarah come do 5 minutes"
Practice lasts 3 hours. I got there over an hour early to do my 27 laps early. I literally had been in skates for over 4 hours.
And guess what.
I SKATED 27 LAPS IN UNDER 5 MINUTES.
I am so happy I am part of a league that believed in me. I am so grateful I have a coach that understood me and figured out how to work with me.
After I crossed the jammer line to finish I did a four point fall and collapsed. I used my inhaler a gazillion times and just started crying.
I feel really really good right now.
I’m probably not going to be able to use my legs.
But I’m OFFICIALLY A DERBY GIRL. I CAN PLAY BOUTS.
Rebblogging from my fitblr because yes.
Also I’m really happy.
why they gotta drag beyonce into 50 shades of grey
Stop saying “sorry”. Say “thank you” instead.
When you say, “sorry for being a jerk” the other person is forced to either call you a jerk or say it wasnt a big deal. Instead, say “thank you for being so patient with me” so the other person has a reason to say they love you."
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